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My dad caught me once playing in the tub. I had these army soldiers, little plastic ones, and I was moving my legs in and out to make them float toward my dick. And I was yelling at them, ‘Come to the King!’—the King meaning my dick. And my dad somehow saw me doing that, and he was like, ‘What the hell are you doing?’ So I said, ‘What the hell are you doing watching me?’

17 hours ago

April 19, 2014
photo "Oh you have cups that light up? We’ll have the cups that light up." Buca di Bep-hoooooo. Happy bday @remmettsibley

"Oh you have cups that light up? We’ll have the cups that light up." Buca di Bep-hoooooo. Happy bday @remmettsibley

2 days ago

April 17, 2014
photo Santa Monica is like your friend whose sweet and adorable on the outside but full of drugs on the inside.

Santa Monica is like your friend whose sweet and adorable on the outside but full of drugs on the inside.

3 days ago

April 16, 2014
video

HEY LA! THIS IS TONIGHT!

THE LIQUID FEET SHOW
8PM @ The Sweat Spot (3327 Sunset Blvd)!
$5!

If you wanna see more of people doing choreographed dances to TV sitcom openings, you know where to be.

1 week ago

April 11, 2014
photo Mark my word. Someday I will own a 70s era Mercedes Benz.

Mark my word. Someday I will own a 70s era Mercedes Benz.

1 week ago

April 11, 2014
photo Alright internet, let’s make this happen.
And seriously, watch Dredd. It’s so much fun.

Alright internet, let’s make this happen.

And seriously, watch Dredd. It’s so much fun.

1 week ago

April 10, 2014
photo Even the graffiti at Runyon Canton is passive aggressive. #LA #Runyon

Even the graffiti at Runyon Canton is passive aggressive. #LA #Runyon

1 week ago

April 10, 2014
photo This is from my one of my all-time favorite web series!!
DANGER 5: THE DIAMOND GIRLS
The series is a bizarre 60’s interpretation of WWII and features a group of elite spies who go on missions and thwart Hitler. Also, their boss is an eagle. If I made a list called “The Best”, this series would be on it.

This is from my one of my all-time favorite web series!!

DANGER 5: THE DIAMOND GIRLS

The series is a bizarre 60’s interpretation of WWII and features a group of elite spies who go on missions and thwart Hitler. Also, their boss is an eagle. If I made a list called “The Best”, this series would be on it.

(Source: kimberlykristenb)

1 week ago

April 9, 2014
reblogged via nickwiger
photo This is my buddy Jim Tews. He’s going to be on Last Comic Standing. His comedy has been described as “a villain that has a secret.”

This is my buddy Jim Tews. He’s going to be on Last Comic Standing. His comedy has been described as “a villain that has a secret.”

1 week ago

April 8, 2014
video

Here’s the latest ep of The Cutting Room I wrote. It’s about Gladiator. The only way you can answer no to “are you not entertained” is if you don’t watch it.

Ugh, that’s a terrible pitch but you get it.

1 week ago

April 8, 2014