concoctedconversations:

Employee:  Boss, our worries are over! I just got a great idea for a new snack.

Boss:  I can’t wait to hear it. You know how bad business has been. We need something new, something fresh. Something that kids are going to gaga for.

Employee:  Say no more boss. Now what are the two foods that every kid loves?

Boss:  Candy and chocolate!

Employee:  Wrong. Salsa and spaghetti.

Boss:  Uhh…

Employee:  Have you ever seen a baby eat a bowl of spaghetti? They wear the bowl like a hat! It’s adorable. 

Boss:  So wait, what’s your idea exactly?

Employee:  And who doesn’t love salsa?

 Boss:  The idea Johnson…

Employee:  One word, four syllabbles. Salsaghetti. 

(Silence)

Employee:  Mexican babies are going to love it.

(More Silence)

Employee:  I haven’t even told you the best part yet.

Boss:  Go on.

Employee:  We’ll put a duck on the packaging.

Boss:  Why a duck?

Employee:  Why not Boss, why not?

(Even more silence) 

Boss:  Johnson that is a terrible idea. 

Employee:  Wha wha whaaaaa?

Boss:  Salsaghetti? That sounds disgusting. That’s what a train hobo eats for dinner. Is that all you got?

Employee:  Are you kidding me? I got plenty of ideas. That was just a warm-up. Uh, check this out.

Boss:  Hit me.

Employee:  Guacanolis.

(Silence)

Employee: They’re cannolis stuffed with guacamole. 

Boss:  Why would anyone ever want to eat that?

Employee:  Let me answer that question with another question. Why would anyone ever not want to eat it?

Boss:  What the fuck have you been doing at work?! I hired you to come up with ideas for a new candy line Johnson but you keep pitching me weird food fusion ideas.

Employee:  Boss, kids these days love mashups. You know, they listen to The Beatles mashed up with the Jay Z, so I thought why not mash up everyone’s favorite foods - Italian and Mexican.

Boss:  My wife told me not to hire you. She told me, “Honey, he smells like an old cabbage, that’s not a good sign.” But did I listen?

Employee:  Risottorritos.

Boss:  What?

Employee:  Risotto stuffed burritos.

Boss:  Johnson, we’re a snack company. We can’t put greasy burritos in a snack aisle at the super market!

Employee:  Or can we?

Boss:  No. We can’t. Just because you say “or can we” back to me in a higher pitch doesn’t mean we all of a sudden can. We have a business to run. I have pensions to pay. 

Employee:  Or do we?

Boss:  What the hell are you talking about?!

Employee:  I’m talking about Gorditaguini’s!

(Silence)

Employee:  It’s a  gordita filled with linguini.

Boss:  Get out.

Employee: Did I mention that we were going to put a duck on the Salsaghetti packaging?

Boss:  Yes.

Employee:  Did I mention the duck was going to be wearing sunglasses?

(A long beat of silence)

Boss:  You brilliant son of a bitch. How did you anthropomorphic animals are my weakness.

Employee:  Let’s just say a little birdie with a bow tie told me.

Boss:  I don’t even know what the fuck your talking about, but we start production tomorrow.

Today’s Concocted Conversation