concoctedconversations:

A batty Old Woman enters a yard sale.

Old Woman:  Hi, I’m looking for a wall decoration that doesn’t make any sense?

Young Woman:  I’m sorry?

Old Woman:  Preferably something with a dog.

Young Woman:  Uh, I’m not sure I understand.

Old Woman:  I want it to be both classy and fun. Kinda like a circus ring master.

Young Woman:  But with a dog?

Old Woman:  Yes, with a dog.

Young Woman:  Uh, what is it for exactly?

Old Woman:  I want to put it up in the lobby of my apartment building to show visitors that I’m the fun and wacky neighbor.

The old woman raises her hands above her head and shakes them wackily.

Young Woman:  Oh… ok.

Old Woman:  You know, the type of person who you can’t decide is harmless or a stabber. 

Young Woman:  Yeah… totally.

Old Woman:  Well, do you have anything?

The young woman looks around and sees something poking out of the trash. She pulls it out and hands it to the Old Woman.

Old Woman:  Ohmygosh, a dog with an ill fitting suit coat, no pants AND star studded cowboy boots?! Do you read minds? This is perfect!

Young Woman:  Really?

Old Woman:  And he’s giving a little “sig heil” salute! Gahhh! You know I didn’t even know I wanted that till I saw it. How much?

Young Woman:  Well, we were just going to throw it away to be honest.

Old Woman: What, why?

Young Woman:  It gives my daughter nightmares.

Old Woman:  Well then today is garbage day and I’m a trashcan with hands!

The Old Woman shuffles off in tissue box shoes with the wall decoration tucked under her arm. A young girl nearby starts crying.