concoctedconversations:

A boss sits in his office. He sees Gary walk by his front door.

Boss:  Hey Gary. Can I talk to you for  a second?

Gary:  Sure boss, what’s up.

Boss:  Is, uh, everything ok?

Gary:  Pretty duper.

Boss:  What?

Gary:  Things aren’t super duper, but they’re still pretty duper. It’s a little saying I have. 

Boss:  That’s why I hired you, you are good at sayings. It’s what makes you the best novelty t-shirt writer in the biz. 

Gary:  Gee, thanks Boss.

Boss:  That’s why I wanted to talk. Your work hasn’t uh, been it’s best lately.

Gary:  Really?

The boss pulls a navy blue shirt out of his desk. He reads it.

Boss:  “You Know What Your Problem Is… You’re Stupid.”

Gary:  What? It’s funny…

Boss:  I know things have been tough since Sharon left.

Gary:  This has nothing to do with her! The shirt is funny because it’s to the point! Because it’s not full of lies. 

Boss:  Listen Gary, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m going to need you to make your novelty t-shirt sayings a bit more subtle.

Gary:  But my sayings are always subtle! Remember “It’s 4:45PM somewhere!”

Boss:  The drinking shirt for people who like to leave work 15 minutes early, of course! But it’s your most recent ones that we’re having problems with.

The boss pulls another shirt out of his desk. He reads it.

Boss:  This one is just a picture of a dick with the caption “Suck It, Sharon.” We can’t sell this.

Gary:  She banged a lot of guys. There’s definitely a market.

The boss pulls another shirt out of his desk.

Boss:  “Fuck Everything, Unless You’re Sharon.”  This one doesn’t even really make sense.

Gary:  I agree, it needs some work.

Boss:  Can you start coming up with sayings that aren’t Sharon-related?

Gary:  Well I did have one idea…

Boss:  Let me hear it.

Gary:  Ok, it’s a picture of Martin Luther King and Malcom X in front of the flag.

Boss:  I already love it. We need more shirts targeting young African Americans.

Gary:  And the caption is… “These Colors Don’t Run.”

Boss:  …

Gary:  Because they’re in front of a flag and because there …

Boss:  Yeah Gary, I get it. Jesus that’s inappropriate on so many levels.

Gary:  But I haven’t told you the best part yet! On the front, it says “These Colors Don’t Run”, but on the back it says “Especially if Sharon is Around Because She’s Probably Banging Them Like She did My Friend Paul.”

Boss:  Clear our your desk.