Old post, but am re-posting because someone just figured out what they are going to be for Halloween. It’s an LA-specific costume, but I think it’ll still hit. And yes I went as him last year, but I was only out for two hours and hardly anyone saw it and I’m really busy and more excuses…

THE LEEDS MATTRESS MAN

I will never ever buy a mattress from Leeds, because the Leeds Mattress Man is one creepy burrito. Why? Because:

A.  He is a grown man and still wears little boy pajamas. And not just any boy pajamas, but boy pajamas from the 1930’s. I mean, who wears a hat to bed? How has that ever been comfortable?

B.  His creepy death stare. He is not just looking at you, he is staring at you. It’s the kind of stare the creepy guy in the bar who wears too much leather* gives to a cute girl before he roofies her.

C.  He’s sleeping on the word, “Leeds.” If their mattresses were really comfortable, he’d be sleeping on that.

D. Everything about him screams, “I’m an evil rape elf and I can’t wait for you to fall asleep.”

* any leather is too much leather