concoctedconversations:

Husband:  I don’t care what anyone says, this is a great t-shirt.

Wife:  I know honey, but do you have to wear it to the rehearsal dinner?

Husband:  Uh, how else will everyone know that the father of the bride is not to be fucked with?

Wife:  John, no one is going to “F” with you at our daughter’s wedding.

Husband:  Remember our wedding? Two fights broke out.

Wife:  That you started!

Husband:  I specifically told the DJ Steely Dan only! He’s the one who started playing “Funkytown”.

Wife:  John, this shirt is not appropriate for a rehearsal dinner!

Husband:  Hold on. Did I just hear my wife tell me that loving the United States of America isn’t appropriate.

Wife:  I didn’t say that.

Husband:  I love three things in this world. The USA, Steely Dan and you. In that order.

Wife:  I know, you tell me every night before we go to bed.

Husband:  And in the morning.

Wife:  Fine John, wear the damn shirt.

She starts to walk away.

Wife:  I just think it’s strange that the dog on your patriotic shirt is a German Shepherd.

John looks down at his shirt.

Husband:  Wait, what?

My fear in reblogging your own theme tumblr is that it is a bit like masturbating in front of the mirror. That being said, this one got a good response so I thought, “Meh, fuck it.” If you like these things, I write one every weekday at ConcoctedConversations.com