PORK CRACKLINS: Fried Out Pork Fat with Attached Skin

I don’t know why exactly, but I bought these a few weeks back. Even the tagline of “FRIED OUT PORK FAT WITH ATTACHED SKIN” did not dissuade me. “They look kinda good,” I thought. “Plus I love pork.” I was eating them outside a comedy show and judging by peoples’ reactions, I might as well have been eating a dead baby. I offered up my pork cracklins, but everyone flat out refused. Halfway through the bag, my stomach even turned on me. They didn’t taste that bad, but they also didn’t taste that good. They also started to hurt my insides, which is a pretty good barometer that you should stop whatever you are eating. I’m just amazed at my ability to give a food described as “Fried Out Pork Fat With Attached Skin” a shot. I’m more surprised that a food company executive would give it a shot. In an effort to make some new snacks and to make some money, here’s some food pitches for any food executives who may read this blog.

- Fried Out Pork Fat With No Attached Skin (for the health conscious)

- Grilled Chicken With Attached Skin Soggy from Soy Sauce

- Skin, Skin, And More Attached Skin! (a conglomeration of various meat skins)

- Beef Cheetos

- Fried Porkannas (it’s fried pork wrapped around bananas)

- Beef Smoothie